In the world we live in there’s an enormous human variety of faces, skin colours, body shapes, traditions, ideas, fashion, beliefs and life styles. When I yesterday harshly critisized the honour-related oppression and murders I didn’t do it to blame a specific religion or a specific culture. I did it to sharpen the awareness when it came to basis for oppression and basis for racist outbursts. As I’ve said so many times before: there are good and bad things in every people, every religious and secular belief system and every nation. No one of us is perfect, we all have bad days, things we don’t really understand or cope with, we have various skills and upbringings. One way doesn’t necessarily has to be better than the other, only different.
Take a look on the woman here in hijab. For some this is oppression, because she’s forced to, for very religious Muslim women again it’s seen as freedom, not to be seen only as a sex object but be taken for her mind and skills instead. From my own experience I have met so many different women who are wearing veil for different reasons. Some of them do it in protest against the western ideas and in their eyes, oppression of their own people, others do it out of religious conviction, others because they are forced to. If we go back to Sweden a hundred years ago and a little more, in the rural areas, the unmarried women had their hair free, while the married women wore a veil.
How we see someone else is often based on prevailing ideas of the time and place we live in, ideas shown in the media, what our parents, siblings, friends and others tell us. The truth is never simple. Then again if a woman is dressed in short skirt, has make-up, tight sweater etc. she’s definitally going to attract attention, especially from men. We all want to be seen as attractive, most of us want to mate, feel good, to have sex and enjoy the company of others. An attractive woman always get attention, but we also have to be aware of different aspects here. Only because a woman is beautiful, is dressed in short skirt or even is half naked it doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to have sex with every guy or man she meets. The judgement is often in the eye of the beholder, but the limits and the judgements ought usually to be aimed inwards to ourselves. Many women get angry and upset if they see another beautiful woman, start gossipping and harrassing her or harrassing men. Men who see an attractive woman also react naturally. There’s nothing strange with that. As a heterosexual man I do too. It would be hypocracy to say something else. I’m just as interested in a beautiful woman as the next guy.
However, the problem is often here how we men react upon women. 1) We can’t blame the woman for being who she is, and we can’t accuse her for our own sexual arousal or for our judgement on her. The gang rapes for example, not only those in India and the USA but everywhere, and other rapes too, is something that we ought to consider. A no must always be taken as such. If a woman says no, respect that. Please. If she wants you, enjoy, but remember that the looks is only the first impression. Many women are also well educated, nice, funny, warmhearted, loving, intelligent and skillfull both those who’re beautiful and the more plain ones.
But every woman and every man also have negative traits. We might be sulky, dirty, tired, are bad loosers, get angry, envious, are bad at this or bad at that. Some want to have several partners, others just one, and from my experience most people, both men and women, get hurt and angry if their partner has been unfaithful. Most choose someone in the same age as themselves, while others are attracted by someone older or younger than themself. We all have different ideas and values concerning that. The important thing though is that we don’t blame each other for being like this or being like that. We men mustn’t rape or hit the women, and women mustn’t blame us for being attracted by them, hurting themselves, each other or us. Also… Don’t take a man only because of his money, that isn’t fair to him. Try to love the guy instead.
The complexity in our world is immense and there are so many truths, no less true than the others. I know that the world never will be perfect, that is purely Utopia. I can only wish that my message will seep through to my readers a little bit all over the globe, and that it will have some impact here and there. Have a fine Thursday.
Anders Moberg, January the 17th 2013.
swedish heart and soul 